Today is the 3 week mark after shoulder surgery and I am super sore today...
I have always felt that "Everything happens for a reason." and that "God has a divine plan and reason for everything." BUT, sometimes an example, a story, a sermon, an experience helps you to level out and grasp the whole concept of why all situations good & bad make an impact on your life.
I know that my faith continues to be an important aspect in my life because it helps me to think of the whole picture and to put my problems in perspective. I personally know that there is a ton of crappy stuff that has happened to me, my family, friends, and loved ones- but I still haven't met a challenge that I haven't been able to tackle and conquer. Same can be said for all of them too.
One of the more important aspects in being a Christian is holding on to the beliefs that something good will come out of everything. I can admit however, that there was many instances over the course of my injury I could not see the silver-lining. Between the pain and the lack of abilities it was really hard for me to see anything but what I had lost.
During my recent down-time, before my surgery, my television watching was the only thing I looked forward to and took pleasure in. I couldn't do my normal activities, and when I tried to do even the most basic things I was reminded of how different my life had become. It had all happened so suddenly; the loss was consuming. It's only now that I can see how hollowed out I had become. A good TV series could help me forget the pain, and I could consume myself with the excitement of the characters I watched like I was experiencing everything too.
After too many shows to list without sounding completely pathetic, I started getting into Friday Night Lights. At first, I was like- "Okay... this is alright." THEN, the moment came when Coach Taylor made this statement/ quote in the last 2minutes and 30 seconds to go:
"Give all of us gathered here tonight the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable. And we will all in some point in our lives, fall. We will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts; that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us, and that when it is taken from us; we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls. We now are all tested. It is these times, it is this pain, that allows us to look inside our self."
Somehow all these feelings, up until I watched the pilot episode of Friday Night Lights, were suddenly shifted into that of determination. Now I can say only 3 weeks after surgery that not only do I believe God, the universe, whomever you would chose to subscribe- blessed me with an inspirational opportunity that has now motivated me. I can no longer take anything for granted, and I must utilize the gifts that God has given me. Mostly I now know to never take anything for granted because you never know when you might have something special taken away. And, just like Coach Taylor stated in Friday Night Lights the realization that comes from loosing something is the catalyst for realizing the importance of what you lost. It is the longing and striving to regain that thing you have missed that compels you to make a new opportunity for happiness.
I can no longer worry about if I am received as an artist or proving that I am a good artist because I know no other way than to make and create. All I can do is do what makes me happy and feel fulfilled and I will be. I need no approval or acceptance from others to be who I want to be. And, I must do what I want to do- No one can encourage me to something I don't want when there is so many things to do that I want to... missed opportunities sting your soul.
With that said however, I am a sensitive person so I do accept and hope for approval- everyone needs a pat on the back every now and then. I hope that in moving forward now that my focus and realization that I must create to be fulfilled can push me to make and achieve some awesome things. If I can create the right products that can transcend my thoughts and process, the lack of a 9-5 might just be a double blessing. Hopefully our art and Make Shop Live will be the Phoenix Rising from the Ashes into a fulfilling, money making outlet.
Making things without making money will make it hard to be able to keep making things-lol BUT that is the point of this whole thought- I make because I must!
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